| i have exceptionally bad luck. |
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| if this were facebook my status would read: LINNAE IS HOPPED UP ON CAFFEINE PILLS. |
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| as they always end up doing. sometimes i just freak out. sometimes a little too much. it's okay to do that though. it's okay to cry and to let go. i just wish i could do it more freely instead of keeping it all in then freaking out. but htings are looking up. I got cast in "Who Made Robert DeNiro King of America?" which is a fucking awesome play directed by Juice aka Matt adn i get to work with Kat and Josh and i'm sooooooooooo fucking excited to play Maggie. Like- it feels so good to read for her and to read with Kat and Josh. and it's exciting cuz when we read for call backs that's who i got to read with. ooohhh this is going to be a good season. also, KI kicked some ass in Derby Rock. if you didn't know, i'm one beat boxin son of a gun. |
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| i feel like everythings falling apart. i feel like i'm falling apart. i'm sick of pretending i'm ok. I'm so fucking sick of saying that i'm OK with the hand i got dealt. Because i'm really not ok. |
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| Today's one of those days where i really really reallly really really really beyone belief miss my dad.
Last year, after every opening night he would call me and ask how the show went.
he would say how excited he was to come see me and how proud he was that i was doing what i wanted and accomplishing my goals and having fun.
if he couldn't come it was always because it was one of his bad weeks and he was too sick. he was always upset about it too and would always say how he wished he could come.
this year, of course, i didn't get a call.
i remember how afraid i was when i told h im i was quitting softball to continue acting in high school. he said he could tell where my heart was by how happy i would be after i came home from rehearsal and how excited i would be when the show was going on. he came to everything. ABSOLUTELY everything.
god. i miss him.
i think i've cried more this week about it than i did the week that i was home (excluding the day of the service because i think i cried enough to fill all of the great lakes.)
there's this quote from "months on end" one of the plays from last year-- the one he didn't get a chance to see,
where Ben writes a eulogy for his friend (my brother) that says something like 'when someone dies, it's their voice that we miss. we have pictures and memories, but their voice is something..." blah blah blha i can't remember exactly, but the voice is something that fades with time. and i hate the fact that i can't hear his again. even to yell at me. just once. to swear and curse and tell me to clean my room. some days that's all i want to hear.
in other news....
i do have the best friends and family around. Ones that come to the show to see me (even though i'm only in one of three acts) and bring me flowers and make me signs and bring me my own jar of salsa con queso. what a lucky girl i am.
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